What I need is computer therapy ... and I don't mean electronically enhanced (ie: over the internet) therapy with a warm-blooded life form. I'm also not addicted or anything that romantic. I am conflicted about the life style of my digitalness. Maybe what I need is Life-Style Counselling.

I have a lovely G4 with a great 17" Apple Studio display. It's the linchpin of my creative life. I've flirted with the idea of a laptop or maybe selling the G4 and bundling my 60GB hard drive into a firewire case and just hooking it up when I need it. The thing is: the G4 is BIG. I no longer freelance out of my studio, so I don't need continuous, expandable muscle. I also no longer own a land line--a wonderful style change. I get all my email at work. In the studio, I only do unconnected stuff: journaling, making art, redesigning the web site (Version 1005.100), balancing my check book.

Basically my computer is the hard drive. If it's portable, I can boot it on just about any MAC (or any computer if I care to suffer through Soft Windows or Linux). So why do I need this Big Mama hanging around? At most I need a laptop with about 200MB of memory, dual processors and firewire. I can take that anywhere, even to my mother's house on the beach, and do what needs to be done. Then I can slap in an Airport card to get a free ride on the net.

The major drawback to this solution is the amount of monetary exchange required. Surely I ought to be able to have this connection and yet stay unconnected to the great machine. Legally.

On the other hand, it's a great, big, fat inconvenience to alter my current digital style. After all, the G4 sits on my desk, doesn't mind that I only use it a few hours a week, and has the advantage of being a done deal (if not totally paid for yet). It would be nice to have less to transport, when I change my physical address later this month. But will I make the change before then? Not bloody likely.

Does this have something to do with my connection to the universe or my dis-connection from society? Couldn't somebody just tell me what to do? and then make it happen? Where is this genie? Once again I'm stuck making my own decisions. Like I told my niece, if you think being a child sucks, wait until you grow up.