When I first read that, I was in college studying educational theories. I saw a book by that name and had to read it (Love is Not Enough: The Treatment of Emotionally Disturbed Children by Bruno Bettleheim). Turns out it was about emotionally dysfuntional children and how one organization found a way to heal them. (This involved putting them in a "school" that had a never-empty junk food cabinet—among other things.) Bruno's point, as I remember it, was that children need more than love from their parents. They need discipline, attention, empathy, communication, consistency, etc. He made sense because many parents do things out of love that they would never do out of logic. Turns out that logic makes sense when raising children.

Having just suffered the breakup of a14-year relationship, I've come back to that concept. He said he was ready to leave but he didn't know why. Love was not enough. He claimed he still loved me and hoped I would be happy. Why do people say this? It is so dumb. Why don't they just say "Good bye. Good luck."? If he really was trying to make me happy he would never even have thought about leaving me. Or at least he would have asked me about the things that he thought showed him he should leave me. You know . . . dialogue, communication, that elusive tool of the human race.

A person can actually have a long term relationship without love—look at Woody Allen and his analyst(s). Love is more than the icing on the cake or the grease for a squeaky wheel. But it ain't the entire vehicle . . . or maybe it is. Love is the vehicle but there's so much more than just driving to keep the car on the road. There's picking out and agreeing on destinations, maintenance, staying on the road (unless you have one of those off-road vehicles), taking turns driving, traffic signals, etc. There's just lots more to it than love.

Sure love is great. The relationship actually started that way—love, passion, romance, karma, spontaneous combustion. It was totally amazing. But it wasn't enough.

We got really far down the road. So, why after 14 years give up? I didn't contract a major, long-term illness. I didn't gain a million pounds or start growing chin hairs. It wasn't the kids, they are gone (mostly). Perhaps what's really called for is understanding . . . that thing that makes the connections . . . the electricity of the soul. Perhaps he was just tired of success. Perhaps the relationship quit measuring up to some fantastic, hollywoodian ideal. I'll never know.

Try also: Soul Mates: Honoring the Mysteries of Love and Relationship by Thomas Moore